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Tuesday, March 11, 2014

Blerrrggghhh

I made a mistake...

I let myself get HUNGRY.  Like really hungry make bad choices hungry.  I bought these meals at Safeway this morning for lunches for myself and boyfriend.  They are family size meals. I just ate the WHOLE mac and cheese container. Nothing like a 1560 calorie snack right?

FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

WHY?!

WHY DO I KEEP DOING THIS?!?!?!

I knew when I was heating it up that it was a BAD idea.  

and

i

did

it

anyways.

Right now, I think I am in the same mindset that I was when I thought I was going to make it on the TV show The Biggest Loser. I can eat whatever I want because I am going to lose it all when I make it on the show... then I don't make it on the show, but I have gained a bunch of weight.  I am a super self-saboteur.

I have decided I want to get the lap band, so why bother eating healthy now? why bother with smaller portions? lets just gorge myself while I can.

I am not going to let my bad lunch dictate the rest of my day. Salad for dinner. Gotta get back on track.
One day at a time.
One step at a time.
One MEAL at a time.

9 comments:

  1. I was guilty of this mindset too. I even gained weight during my 6 months of physician supervised weight loss.

    Try not to be too hard on yourself. Just regroup and move on from it. :)

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    1. Thanks Jules! I ended up having a healthy sandwich for dinner which made me feel a little better. Not letting an early food mistake cause a domino affect with my remaining meals.

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  2. I did it too. I think I ate Chipotle every day for two weeks before my surgery. Was it the best choice? Probably not. But it is water under the bridge now. (By the way, I just found your blog today and look forward to following your journey!!)

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    1. Thanks Beth Ann! I appreciate the support. Glad to know I am not the only person to do this. I feel like such a head case when I realize what I do to myself sometimes. Today has been better though, so I can celebrate that!

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  3. Since you commented on my book page :-) a book someone recommended to me on WLS was "Stranger Here: How Weight-Loss Surgery Transformed My Body and Messed with My Head". Although she had gastric, it is a fun easy read, and she really talks a lot in an honest way about her emotional journey with the process - LIKE gaining weight pre-op! I think a lot of us struggle at one point or another, even as bloggers, to write about "the bad stuff", because of what other people will say or think. I found it refreshing to read this. Anyway, I also relate of course, as I think about anyone would. I hate to tell you I still sometimes do this - like eating my Lox bagel before I thought my latest fill might keep me from being able to! But the band works with me - I have to restrain myself from totally being an idiot or I could hurt myself, but the band also makes it harder to overeat as much, and does make me less hungry. We are all "head cases" if that means we need extra support to conquer this problem, wishing you all the best!

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    Replies
    1. Thank you! I will have to check out that book. I love reading and I love doing research on this because the more I know (or think I know) the more comfortable I am with my decision. I need to find a way to deal with the emotional part of this journey. I hope blogging and joining this community will help with that. The fact that I acknowledged my mistake and called myself out on it publicly is huge for me. I am a closet binge eater. Like in my car alone, at work where no one is around, etc. First step of getting over it is admitting the problem right?

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    2. I read that book over the weekend and loved it! What a great insight into the process. Thank you for the recommendation.

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  4. Definatly dont let one meal destroy you.. I know bc Im the same freakin way.. wth Ive killed today might as well keep it up and do better tomorrow. But I am realy working on thinking more like wow you killed that "meal" lets do better next "meal"

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    Replies
    1. Yep. I ended the day much better than I started, and it ended up being a "wash" with my calories burned vs. calories eaten. I have a bodymedia armband and that helps me remember to stay more active as well as keep my eating in check. Just started wearing it again last week.

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